A very hard good bye

This long, stressful week (and remember, it's only Wednesday) seems like it really couldn't get any worse.  So I go to sleep so very exhausted and trying to stay positive for Thursday.  Wake up, groggy, not wanting to get out of bed.  Stephen is getting ready for work and the kids are watching tv/fighting/playing in the living room.  I can hear some kind of chattering from Rizzo; I know his voice so well.  Stephen calls out to me, "You better get out of bed.  Something is wrong with Rizzo." 

Rizzo can't use his back legs at all; he can't move his tail.  He's dragging himself around by his front paws and is very tired, you can tell by his nervous purring.  But it's not purring.  I brake out in tears and lay over him, "I don't want to lose you!" looking at Stephen, "I can't lose him!!", bawling all the while.  Stephen tells me to get a grip, "He's not dead!"  He goes to look up the name of the veterinary clinic in Thatcher because he remembers seeing one off the beaten path and we both don't want to take him to the one in Safford. They don't open for another hour, so Stephen goes to work to let them know he'll be leaving and why, at 8.  I stop bawling, try to keep the kids away from him. 

Rizzo's panic worsens.  I try to hold him but he won't let me.  I can hear how much pain he's in.  It wasn't long after that that he started to lose control over some bodily functions.  Even Osgood is trying to console him.  Osgood wants to help, you can tell how worried he is.  Finally it's time to load everyone in the car and drop off the kids at grandmas.  Before I drove away from her house, I had a very precious moment with Rizzo.  It was as if he was telling me, "Thank you for everything" and "Good bye, I love you".  He was quiet, the rest of the ride to the clinic. 

Of course I knew what the end result would be while the nurse gave us on possible diagnosis; a blood clot lodged into his spine causing spinal cord death.  I couldn't help but start bawling again.  They promised to give him some pain meds and would call when the final diagnosis was given...  I never saw him again.

For those of you who think "He's just a cat" you couldn't be more wrong.  When we moved to Springville, UT in 2007, Osgood was so lonely.  We never got another cat after losing General because we lived at my mom's and there were 4 cats already living there.  So we searched for 3 weeks for the right cat.  We had stipulations: it had to be a kitten, female and couldn't be black (we didn't want it to seem like we were replacing General).  There was one I saw at a pet store but when Stephen could see it the next day, that pretty little all white female kitten was already at a new home. 

We stopped at Petsmart, again, not thinking we'd see anything different than before.  There were 3 kittens in one cage together with the label stating 1 male, peach/white, 2 female black/white.  The two females, though looked identical couldn't have been more different.  One laying, seemingly bored and the other all over the cage, playing, pouncing on the other two.  I wanted to hold that one so much and Stephen had been telling me for a long time that I get to chose alone (because when we got Osgood he was supposed to be for me, but he is obviously Stephens'), that we both new this cat was coming home with us.

So Daphne came home with us.  She explored everything and wanted to play with Osgood to the point he was so extremely annoyed with her.  Of course we found out that Daphne wasn't a fitting name for a boy and quickly renamed him Rizzo. 

Rizzo was this tiny, adorable, 4 lbs. kitten who suddenly stopped eating.  We tried everything but the only thing that seemed to work at all was force feeding him kitten formula with a dropper for 2 weeks.  Rizzo dropped down to 2 lbs and with Franklin only 3 months old, this was becoming very difficult. I called the animal shelter that he originally came from and expressed to them that I didn't want to see him die because he wasn't eating and it was too much for me with an infant.  Since it was late at night they said to bring him in the next morning.  That night Rizzo decided to start eating again.  It was a miracle. 

Obviously we kept him, so we got fixed and declawed.  He hated being at the vets and caused so much trouble for himself that they had to keep him an extra night and when he came home, his paws were so swollen, they were like a lion cubs paws, but black.

Now Rizzo became very attached to me and I to him.  Everyone who met him instantly loved him.  He was social, loving and playful; he loved to play fetch as long as you had the right toy.  He'd never bore or get tired of playing it.  We also used that game to make him do awesome tricks.

He was a great companion to us all.  He was awesome with Franklin and when Lisette came along, Rizzo couldn't have been more awesome. 

 He has wanted to be a part of everything, everyday, all the time.  And he put up with all kinds of crap from Lisette especially.

 He was so obedient.  He came when called, no matter where he was, as long as he could hear me.  He followed me everywhere.  He was always very quite, never annoying (unlike Osgood) but would sometimes "talk" to me.  Ever since we moved back to Arizona he would even meet me at the front door, or the back door of our current home.  He was always such a good sport, letting us mess with him, tease him. 

So my so typical stress filled week became meaningless and insignificant.  I had my world turned upside down in one hour.  I lost one of my children.  I also had to try to explain to kids where Rizzo was and why he can't come back home.  I was in the middle of telling Franklin that Heavenly Father made Rizzo's owie on his back go away but because He did that from him, Rizzo must live with Heavenly Father now.  Just as I finished my sentence, my mom sent me a text that made a noise on my phone.  Franklin responds, "Is that Jesus?  Can I talk to Rizzo?"

Even though I knew he was gone my mind would automatically start looking for him, or I would prepare myself to not trip over him as I subconsciously expected him to be right behind me as he always was.  I would even look for him on the counter in the laundry room where he would usually greet me when I would come home.  Though Stephen and I had talked about not getting another cat for a while, it was becoming evident that we needed something.  I was constantly breaking into hysterics; he was just like one of my own children to me, after all I raised him personally. 

I was far too hopeful, thinking that kittens would be easy to come by.  Osgood was moping, depressed; he lost another brother, and I was hysterical.  So I posted on facebook if anyone knew of any kittens.  A friend from my old ward stopped by my home that very morning to tell us of a kitten they took in a few months ago (with a very funny story all on its own) and with their full house offered him to us.  He was older than we were looking for because we didn't want Osgood to be challenged, but after another hysterical episode I went to see him and instantly loved him.  He was social, let me hold him for 15 minutes straight, all the while purring.  Gina and I talked for a long time, she telling me the rather funny story of how they ended up with Mel Palmer's kitten.

He has been perfect.  He follows me, he talks to me, he purrs constantly, he's learning his name so he's beginning to come when called.  When he talks he even sometimes sounds just like him.  Lisette even called for Rizzo and then fought with Franklin that it was Rizzo who talked, not Fiyero.  The kids have actually been much less stressful to me since Rizzo passed away.  It may have been because of how many times they have seen/heard me cry.  Fiyero has been a great help, though he's not loved by everyone in our home.

Osgood is twice his size, literally, but Fiyero has the hypodermic needles for claws.  That will get fixed, as well as himself soon enough. 

Rizzo has been loved so much that I have no regrets.  I miss him terribly and its still hard not to always think of him, nor have I been able to stop myself from looking for him sometimes. 

Until we meet again...

Stress, it's a killer

Last week was a stressful week.  It started as all weeks do; the kids constantly crying, fighting, or whining about various things.  There's usually at least one of Franklin irrational, emotional episodes every Sunday.  Then Stephen asks on Sunday night, "What are you going to do from Tuesday to Wednesday while I'm out of town?"  That's right.  I forgot he had a seminar for work.  So I say, "Going to my moms." 

As much as I love to get out of town, especially to go to Sierra Vista and see my family, it wasn't exactly helpful for my stress.  We left town hours later than I had wanted to, the kids fought way more than usual in the car and I didn't sleep well the night before so I'm fighting my eye lids.  I tell the kids that we're going to stop for potty and ice cream.  Lisette has been crying a lot at the words potty, pee pee and so forth lately, but I keep reminding her about the ice cream.  Of course Franklin is upset that he can't go in the boys potty because he's a boy and can't go in the girls. 

We get past that fit, but then while in line to buy our ice cream Lisette decides, like she does multiple times everyday, to hit Franklin in the head.  A very nice man immediately had something to say to them that was reprimanding, but very kind and said in a somewhat humorous way to me.  If nothing else, what he said stopped Franklin from going into one of his emotional fits.  To make a long (and not very fun) story short, after receiving less sleep than the night before due to Lisette, who also woke up Franklin a few times, I decided it really wasn't such a great idea to leave home.  I did have an enjoyable lunch with my sister Heidi, her two kids with my kids all at Grandma April's classroom before starting my trek back home.  I beat Stephen home by a few hours but it wasn't all that horrible of a wait.

Of course this story is leading up to my next blog.  I don't like long blogs.  They are sometimes hard to sit through and sometimes information gets lost.  I normally don't like to talk about my stress and though I don't want to fool anyone into thinking my life is perfect, or horrify them with the bad things that go on, this is leading somewhere...

October Slideshow

Enjoy the pictures! (photos of our home to come as soon as we have gotten rid of all boxes; you can see some in the background of some of these pictures)

We heart October

Fall is my absolute favorite season and I know I've said it before many times.  This has probably been the craziest one yet for us.

In September we found out we were moving; a mile away, but into a different ward.  2 weeks after that we went on the annual work retreat and had a much needed mini family vacation.  The kids really wore themselves out at the water park.  2 weeks later was the Graham County Fair (Stephen and I actually went on a date there, without kids!) and we got the keys to the new house.  We packed and cleaned all of the following week. Crazy, stressful and lots of insanity.  Moving day was that Wednesday and we are so grateful to everyone that came to help.  It went so smoothly, the easiest moving day we've ever had. 
 
We made the mistake of letting the kids hang out a lot in the house because before the move. Every night that week we took another load over so moving day wouldn't be so crazy.  The mistake was Franklin became very obsessed with his green room and every night that we didn't stay there he cried.  Still, the kids got to go visit friends, have play dates, go to grandmas and have lots of time away from home. Surprisingly I didn't get ahead with packing during that time due to LOTS of orders and loads of work from my dad.  I can't get mad at either one because we are thrilled at the success of PaciFashion and I had been challenging my dad all the previous week to give me a work load.  So I got what I asked for, a double whammy.

The following Saturday (I still don't know why I thought I could do it) I had signed up to be a vender at a local school craft/boutique fair.  My mother-in-law did it with me and it really was exciting to see her have so much success!  One woman quickly came to me and asked for a business card because she didn't want her daughter to know she was going to get a Princess Jammie for Christmas while telling her daughter, "No, you can't have one."  There were multiple moms and grandmas buying Sheila's Princess Jammies for Christmas, each purchased followed with; Now forget you saw it.
There are still boxes of various things in the house; mostly pictures waiting to be hung.  Every wall inside the house is nearly a foot wide; an older built home with plaster walls inside drywall.  This house is VERY well insulated.  My point is, I have all these Hercules Hooks and not a single one is useful, so pictures are waiting till we are sure of their placement before we put nails in the walls.

The kids really love it here and so do we.  We all had become sick during the move and for me, I only got worse after the move was complete.  Last weekend we spent a lot of time detail cleaning, mostly the floors (which seemed to almost never have been mopped; please don't quote me) and since then my health has drastically improved. 

We have a large garden, but because of my allergies I cannot pick most of it without long sleeves overlapping garden gloves.  I have yet to do that because Stephen has been so sweet taking care of that for me.  We have LOTS of chili's and peppers, which I will not allow inside due to the extreme nature of my allergy to them.  So if anyone in the area would like to come visit me and wants bags of chili's and/or peppers, feel free to stop by. 

Franklin has been loving every minute of school.  Everyday he makes a deal with me; he will do something I want and then he gets to school after.  So I'm having to create a calender with a picture or drawing of a school on the days he actually goes and have a magnet representing him so he can see if it's a day he gets to go or not.

Franklin strikes a deal for just about everything.  We've have to reason with him so often because of his obsessive nature that I think he's using it back on us.  He's also become extremely bossy to Lisette. He gets in trouble very often for this.  He thinks he won't be in trouble if he repeats anything I've said to her; i.e. Get that out of your mouth; Go to bed; Put that down; Get off the cat; etc. He's also picked up on a few phrases; Oh my gosh; What the heck; You make me sad; Gee whiz; Dagnabit (it doesn't quite sound that way); etc.  Needless to say I'm really trying hard to watch what I say.

I don't know if it's anger, fun, wanting to be bad, or a bad thing she learned in nursery, but Lisette has bitten Franklin a few times lately.  I can count on one hand how many times in the last month, but it's still really bad.  It's not just a bite because she had drawn blood and made bruises.  Now I don't think I've even been that violent, but it's freaky how much Lisette is just like me.  An example is she body slams the cat.  Poor Rizzo and he just won't run away either, so she does it several times in a row.  Honestly I think he's only bitten her once her whole life; I wish he would do it more to protect himself.  Although he has done it to Franklin when he has gone too far.

PaciFashion has been doing very well.  I hit over 1000 sales last month.  October marked my 2nd anniversary.  Keep in mind a sale is usually 3 or more straps together and is rarely 1 by its self.  Stephen and I have been enjoying it and have been staying caught up in just the past week since the move.  Luckily no one made a complaint and I've given away a few extras in some orders that took me way too long to put together as an apology. I've always hated excuses so they received a gift instead of an excuse.

Halloween was so great for the kids.  I made both their costumes.  Lisette, who was supposed to be a pink poodle, wouldn't wait till we were done trick or treating to eat candy.  She even had 2 suckers in one hand, licking them simultaneously or together.  Then when she got cotton candy those uncovered suckers went into the treat bag for later.  Franklin, for the first time in his life, was silent; not a word, no recognition to anyone.  Franklin was a Sheriff, but I think he was acting like a zombie. 6 people asked him to draw and nothing happened; one track mind, must have more candy.  The 7th person didn't even ask about his guns, but out they came anyway.  He finally reacted to someone and lit up.  All the people we went to were familiar, our last ward held Trunk or Treat.

We finished up at home with decorating cookies and when the kids had their sugar crash, it came hard and with a vengeance.  So once they were in bed, sugar washed out of hair, hands and face, they were out.  We had a few trick or treaters at that point and that was enjoyable for me.  We have never had anyone come to us for trick or treating before. We never lived in a location that kids came to, or that we were comfortable with (Tucson).

A slideshow is soon to come.  We took so many pictures last month, way too many things went on, but we had a great October this year.  Don't forget to come and get some chilies!